(Thoughts while looking at this painting, 'In the Dim Light', by the Portland (Oregon, US) painter Joshua Flint.)

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“Hello, am i talking to 1-0-1? The emergency services?”

“Do you have a moment, sir? I have another call coming in… I’ll put you on hold for a second. Back soon.”

“Madam, i…”

(Music – Good Vibrations, by the Beach Boys)

“Madam?”

“Thank you for waiting sir. Now what’s your problem? Tell us, we’re here to help you. Just describe…”

“Well, i…”

“… using precise words. Be precise, sir. You cannot overestimate the importance of precision here. You understand this is an emergency service, and as such…”

“Madam, i…”

“… as such we’re trained to get to the point as fast as possible. So tell us, young man… We’re all ears…”

“I…”

“Please choose one of the following options: burglary, medical, fire, …”

“FIRE! Yes, i choose FIRE, Madam, I…”

“Okay, fire it is, sir. No need to get stressy sir. I’ll transfer you to the fire department, just a second…”

“Madam, my arm…”

“Hello, - fire department. What’s the problem, sir? We’re at your service.”

“FIRE, there’s…”

“We understand, sir. Fire. Fire, of course. Otherwise they wouldn’t have transferred you to this department, would they, sir?”

“You don’t under…”

“Maybe i do, sir, maybe i don’t. But i try to. I studied philosophy you see, so i grabbed what i could get, sir, and this job, my first, sir, it will help me pay…”

“Man will you please… My left arm… It’s… urgent…”

“Urgent you say. Well… when did i hear that before? 2 minutes ago? Maybe 3. Now you do your job, sir, and let us do ours. So if you don’t mind we’ll define…”

“… my… left arm… is…”

“… now first can you give me your address, sir? North, West, East, …”

“WEST! It’s WEST!!!”

“Oooowkay sir, oooooowkaaay, don’t get stressy. And thank you very much. You can’t imagine how, sometimes…”

“I’m burning! I’m on fire!”

“We all are, sir, we all are… Now West you said… I’ll transfer you to the Western Department. Just a second, sir…”

(Music – the Beach Boys)

“G-o-o-d eeeeeevening sir! Westerrrrrn Fire Department at yourrrrrr serrrrvice! Kitchen fires, smmmmoking related incidents, electrrrrricity failures, gassssss accidents… You name it and we’ve got the solution… for you, sir! For you! Now how can we help you, sir… Sir…?”