The Prospect

“Hell-oow sir!”
“? With whom do i have the honour to…”
“Hell-oow sir, emergency services speaking sir!”
“… emergency services?”
“Yes sir, that’s right, 1-2-1 at your service sir! We’re here to help you sir.”
“… but i didn’t call… i mean, there’s no emergency and, actually, i’m in a hurr…”
“Ho ho ho, sir, no emergency you say sir. (To Pete) He says there’s no emergency Pete. (Laughter in the background.) Now don’t jump to conclusions, sir. Are you sure, and i mean ab-so-lu-te-ly sure, you haven’t got a fire going on somewhere sir? A small, almost undetectable…”
“There’s no fire here, mister. And if you’ll excu…”
“Ho sir, wait a minute sir. We understand it’s hot, but we’re only doing our job sir. Did you know 32% of all fires are caused by a dryer, sir? Do you have a dryer sir?”
“Yes, we have a…“
"Now here we are! (To Pete) He has a dryer Pete. Have you written that down? How old is your dryer sir?”
“10 years… Man, i don’t know. I have to catch a…”
“10 YEARS! Write this down Pete. His dryer is 10 years old. You’re in big trouble sir. You have to catch a plane sir?”
“He has to catch a plane, Pete. Write this down. Where are you flying to sir?”
“New York.”
“Ow. Ow ow ow. New York, Pete. The List, Pete. (Pete, in the background: “New York, 7 murders a day, Dick.”) Did you hear Pete, sir? 7 murders. A day! You’re in big danger, sir. You’re flying Boeing or Airbus sir?”
“(To Pete) He’s flying Boeing, Pete. Really, sir, this is a classic. I bet you have a shirt and some wet towels running in that dryer, sir, you forgot them because you’re in a hurry, you have to catch a plane – a Boeing for God’s sake - because you want to head towards 7 murders a day, you check in not knowing your dryer has caught fire and your house is burning down. Lucky we called you, aren’t you, sir?”
“Damn man, who the hell are you? I didn’t ask for…”
“You would have been murdered in New York while your house was burning down, sir. Do you have children, sir? Don’t you feel at least a bit respon…”
“I can’t believe this… You son-of…”
“Can you articulate sir, didn’t hear you too well. There’s some noise on the line i’m afraid…”
“YOU… Ouch… Ow… There’s…”
“Sir? Yes, sir? Something wrong sir?”
“You MORONS, now i’ve got a pain in…”
“… the chest, sir? (To Pete) He’s having a heart attack, Pete. You’ve written this down?”
“Ouch… My arm…”
“No need to panic, sir. You’re having a heart attack. That’s what’s happening with all that hurrying sir… You’ve got overexcited and… Already ticklings in your hand sir?”
“Yes, it’s…”
“Already in his hand Pete. Right or left hand sir? Just for statistical reasons. Science you see, sir. Science will save us all. (Laughter in the background.)”
“Please… Will you hurry…”
“Ow ow ow sir, change of tone isn’t there sir? Now the murder-city-traveller-with-10-year-old-dryer suddenly needs us, doesn’t he sir? (To Pete) Now he needs us, Pete.”
“… i’m dying…”
“Aren’t we all, sir? Anyway we can hardly say your life expectancy was more than average 15 minutes ago sir… Did you ever participate in a crash, sir? Or have you ever been a murder victim? Don’t think so, sir. Count yourself lucky you’re only having a heart attack sir. Now one last question before i launch the ambulance: are you ab-so-lu-te-ly sure your dryer hasn’t caught fire yet? You see, we could launch an ambulance AND fire wagon then, sir. Less admin. Imagine we send the ambulance, sir. 20, 25 minutes pass sir. The ambulance arrives. Suppose you’re dead, sir. Just suppose. AND the dryer has caught fire. Then we’d have to open the file all over again, wouldn’t we sir? Much easier to send them both right away, isn’t it sir? Right you are! We understand each other and that makes me so happy. And the fire guys are having a very quiet day too, sir: they too are actually doing prospection calls. Not that it is any of your business, sir, but if we don’t have at least 2 or 3 fires in the next 24 hours John will be fired. (To Pete) Was it John, Pete? So, should we send fire truck too, sir? Sir…? Sir…?”
“No answer, Pete. This guy isn’t really cooperating, is he? (Loud voice) Sir, will i launch fire wagon too!?”
“Okay Pete, let’s keep heads cool, we launch both. After all who says the guy is dead? Just because he’s not responding… And then, with this dryer still turning… We won’t take the risk Pete. No time to lose man, call John!”
“John’s already on his way, Dick!”

(‘Feeling like a heart attack’ the wonderful painting above, by Stefan Botis, Romania, is called. The dialogue popped up while watching it…)

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