Dialogues

July 2, 2019 5:00 PM

The Prospect

“Hello?”
“Hell-oow sir!”
“? With whom do i have the honour to…”
“Hell-oow sir, emergency services speaking sir!”
“… emergency services?”
“Yes sir, that’s right, 1-2-1 at your service sir! We’re here to help you sir.”
“… but i didn’t call… i mean, there’s no emergency and, actually, i’m in a hurr…”
“Ho ho ho, sir, no emergency you say sir. (To Pete) He says there’s no emergency Pete. (Laughter in the background.) Now don’t jump to conclusions, sir. Are you sure, and i mean ab-so-lu-te-ly sure, you haven’t got a fire going on somewhere sir? A small, almost undetectable…”
“There’s no fire here, mister. And if you’ll excu…”
“Ho sir, wait a minute sir. We understand it’s hot, but we’re only doing our job sir. Did you know 32% of all fires are caused by a dryer, sir? Do you have a dryer sir?”
“Yes, we have a…“
"Now here we are! (To Pete) He has a dryer Pete. Have you written that down? How old is your dryer sir?”
“10 years… Man, i don’t know. I have to catch a…”
“10 YEARS! Write this down Pete. His dryer is 10 years old. You’re in big trouble sir. You have to catch a plane sir?”
“Yes…”
“He has to catch a plane, Pete. Write this down. Where are you flying to sir?”

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June 16, 2019 5:15 PM

The set-up

“Hello-o, am i talking to 1-2-1? Emergency services?”
“Hel-lo sir, good evening! How can we help you sir?”
“Well, i’ve got a slight problem…”
“Slight problem you say, sir. Then you dialed the right number sir. We’re the emergency services. 1-2-1! Tell us sir…”
“I’m drowning.”
“You’re drowning, sir. Drowning.”
“Yes, that’s correct. I’m drowning.”
“Well sir… That’s quite surprising if i may say so sir. Most people…”
“Plea-ea-se… It’s urgent…”
“No need to panic sir. DON’T PANIC! Now what i’m asking myself – and so is Pete here, who’s sitting next to me – say hello, Pete-“
“Hello!”
“… thanks Pete. So, what Pete and i are asking ourselves is this: the man is drowning, okay. But where exactly is he drowning in?”
“The washbasin. I’m drowning in the washbasin.”
“The washbasin. The washbasin he says, Pete. And you can’t get out, sir?"

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May 26, 2019 4:00 PM

"How can we help you, sir...?"

“Hello, am i talking to 1-0-1? The emergency services?”

“Do you have a moment, sir? I have another call coming in… I’ll put you on hold for a second. Back soon.”

“Madam, i…”

(Music – Good Vibrations, by the Beach Boys)

“Madam?”

“Thank you for waiting sir. Now what’s your problem? Tell us, we’re here to help you. Just describe…”

“Well, i…”

“… using precise words. Be precise, sir. You cannot overestimate the importance of precision here. You understand this is an emergency service, and as such…”

“Madam, i…”

“… as such we’re trained to get to the point as fast as possible. So tell us, young man… We’re all ears…”

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